As I write, I am sitting in the parking lot of my therapist’s office. Mind you, I don’t think I have been here since before Covid, but nothing has changed. I am not even here for myself, simply driving Mark to his appointment, but it is bringing back memories of when I first started coming to the little white house by the creek.
I was at Horizons Healthcare for a very long time. I liked it there, and I had some excellent counselors, but one day I received a psychiatrist who was less than excellent. The whole thing culminated in me screaming and crying in his office, as my counselor was pulled from another appointment to calm me down. It was not a good day.
I went home and my mother suggested that it was time to leave Horizons. She herself worked for Spectrum Human Health, so that was off the list immediately. Instead, I found a small practice that took my insurance in Hamburg, and I started to go there. I was shuffled through a few counselors, but that wasn’t as important to me at the time as was a psychiatrist that understood my methods. Fortunately, I was able to find such a man, and my health improved greatly. He left the practice a little while back, and I have a new prescriber now, but she has kept in line with his diagnosis and treatment options.
I am sure if you read my blog regularly you have heard me say that mental health is simply as important as physical health. In fact, I said it a couple of days ago when I wrote my March mental health blog. Ergo, I have no problem discussing with you or anyone then I see a counselor and psychiatrist. Much in the same way I see a primary physician, and an eye doctor, and go to the dentist.
If you don’t take care of your mind, what are you really doing anyway? I don’t mean to sound scary, but your brain can break at any moment. Your body can be perfectly healthy, and your brain can just decide that it is done. So, why do we not take care of our brains the way we take care of our bodies?
As I think about it, I have very few friends who do not receive therapy in some form, and the ones that don’t are usually desperate to receive it, but unable due to insurance reasons. When they think about people I know who do therapy, it is almost all younger people or folks my age, and I don’t see much of the older generations partaking. Of course, I do not understand why this is, but I assume it is because of the stigma of mental health that was perpetuated throughout their lifetimes. However, things have changed greatly and much for the better, and one need no longer be ashamed to reach out for a little help with the mind.
My mental health is on my mind today because it is actually quite good. I went to poetry night last Wednesday, and the next day the moderators posted a photo of me reading to the crowd. I looked at that picture and thought to myself that there was no way I could have done that a couple of years ago, reading my work in front of so many people. Somewhere between ages 25 and 35, I lost my ability to stand confidently in front of a crowd, and it occurred to me the other day that I have managed to get that talent back. My hands do not shake; I do not feel sick to my stomach afterwards. These are new things, things that came with practice and age and good mental health.
I get anxious about a lot of things, and I am terrible about talking about them. However, I have always used this blog as an outlet to express my mental health journey, and anxiety is the thing I deal with everyday, all day, all the time, no matter what. Even as I sit here, and write this, I remain anxious about things I have to do in my day. I remain anxious about situations that are occurring in my life. I try to quell intrusive thoughts, and I am getting pretty good at it, I must admit. However, sometimes it all gets on top of you and the only solution is breathing in a paper bag and maybe taking a Xanax. Fortunately, that day is not today. Today I am in a good mood, I am feeling healthy, and I will try to keep that up for as long as I possibly can.
Mark should be done with his appointment any moment, so I will wrap up this blog entry as I sit in this parking lot, waiting. As always, I wish you good mental health, and a happy Tuesday, too.
Ham 'N Eggs- by Brigid Hannon 