8:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning and I have my coffee and no stomach ache, which is a strange development considering the past week. I spent 3 days admitted to Sister’s Hospital, lost a whole weekend of work, and what feels like a week of my life, all to the business of diabetes.
I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes when I was 16 years old. It was a terrifying moment in my life, made better only by my wonderful parents and my dear friend Chelsea who escorted me to the hospital that night so many years ago. I was never the best at taking care of my diabetes, but I’ve never been the worst, either. It’s not really the diabetes that bothered me in the past, it was the side effects, like retinopathy and gastroparesis. Diabetes comes with side effects that are disorders in their own right, and Mom and I used to play a fun little game called Would You Rather, where we would pose questions of the diabetic ilk: would you rather lose a foot, or an eye? Would you rather have colitis, or gastroparesis? Morbid, yes, but around here we use humor as a coping mechanism.
Now, because of the current state of Endocrinology healthcare available in Western New York, it is incredibly difficult to get in with a specialist. I wrote in October that when I was in Cleveland and fell sick, they had an appointment scheduled within a week for me- I am waiting on the same appointment today that I was waiting on then, and I’ve got about a month to go. The goal is to keep myself as well as possible in this timeframe, and yet it seems I end up sick every 3 to 4 weeks anyway. Fortunately, some doctors have been able to prescribe me insulin that I did not have previously, and that can help control my blood sugar so that I get sick less often.
Yesterday, I woke up feeling fine and went to work. I was there for about a half an hour before I started getting sick. With that sickness, came uncontrollable anger. I will not have it! I lost a huge chunk of pay while I was in the hospital, and I literally cannot afford to be ill. So, I went out to the car and I took my Zofran for my nausea and a Xanax for my head and I pushed myself to clean those cars and help those customers, even if I did have to run to the bathroom once or twice to throw up. When my boss came in, he let me leave, but I felt terrible. I am an incredibly reliable person, you see, and my diabetes has made me completely unreliable. I do not care for this besmirchment of my reputation. I said as much to my boss and I am hopeful that he understands, and this morning he sent an email asking how I was feeling and letting me know plans for the weekend. He has been very understanding and supportive during this and has truly no right to be- this shows me that I work for a good man who is more concerned about people than a bottom line, which of course only makes me love my job more. And yet, I feel completely terrible.
The kids were supposed to come this weekend, but they all have things going on and that is great. Not just because I want them to have active social lives, but also because I don’t think I could have handled momming it this weekend. I love when they are here, and I love to give them my full attention, but I couldn’t even get to the grocery store. I am grateful to have a weekend where I can just rest, and hopefully make it to work tomorrow if weather allows.
I am sick of being sick. I haven’t written about being sick in a little while, even though it’s still happens pretty regularly. I do everything I can to avoid going to the hospital- yesterday I succeeded. I don’t know how I managed to get myself home and medicated, but I fell asleep and woke up at 8:00 p.m. feeling much better. This morning, I am well, and I am grateful. I guess that is the most I can ask for. Happy Saturday!
Ham 'N Eggs- by Brigid Hannon 