Once upon a time, I went camping for my birthday. It was not a great day, because I planned for my parents and sister and some friends to come and join us at the cabin for a party, but I got sick and ended up spending the day puking in the back room. They all seemed to have a good time, however, and that is how this picture came into existence.
My friend Carey snapped this shot of my mother holding an ear of corn. From what I understand, she cooked it on the fire and was quite proud of the results. When Mom passed last year on Christmas, Carey posted the photo the next day, and it brought a smile to my very sad heart.
Yesterday, it showed up in my memories on Facebook as well as Carey’s, and we posted it at the same time. There is something about my mother’s smile holding that ear of corn that I cannot resist- that is the smile of my childhood.
Mom has been gone one year now, and yes, some things are easier. For instance, for the first few months I would awake in the early morning hours and make my coffee and wear her bathrobe and sit on my sofa and be sad. My favorite thing to do with my mother was have our morning coffee, and I am eternally grateful that for the last couple of years of her life I was there nearly every morning, pouring her a cup of joe.
Christmas this year was different, but not terrible. I only cried once, when I found an ornament my aunt had made of a little angel, in memory of Mom. I didn’t even cry when my father got a little teary as I said good night to him. Christmas Eve was pretty good at Grandma’s, although the sheer amount of folks in the house drove me to leave a little early due to anxiety. Still, I had a nice time spending the evening with my family, whom I love very much. Christmas Day- again different, but not bad. I picked Bernie up and we went over to Dad’s to exchange gifts, and then I cooked my Christmas dinner and Grandma and my aunt’s came to eat. My legs and feet hurt today as though I ran a marathon, but it was worth it to give them a beautiful meal in exchange for all the beautiful things they have done for me.
The day after Christmas, I was sad. See, it isn’t just my mother that I lost at Christmas time, but my dear Aunt Ka, her sister, who died on the 26th, several years before Mom. I mourned them both a little, and I lit a white candle on the altar and burned some lavender for them.
Today, I find myself full of gratitude for my friends and family that have helped me through this past year. When I feel that way, I try to tell people how much they mean to me, so I reached out to a few this morning with holiday wishes and thank you’s for the past year. Without these people, I do not know where I would be in my life, or on this planet. They have saved me over and over and don’t even realize it. I am so grateful.
That is all for today, just a few thoughts as I sit here drinking my coffee in the morning. Missing Mother as usual, but it has become so much more tolerable over the past year. I am grateful for that as well.
Ham 'N Eggs- by Brigid Hannon 
Beautiful. I feel the pain of your loss. I lost my Momma in September 2017. I still pick up the phone to call her from time to time. Sending hugs from your cousins in Texas.
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