Step One

Sometime before Christmas, I turned off my computer. See, it was too close to the heating vent, and as a result the fan seem to be working overtime. It made far too much noise, and so I turned it off. I adjusted it’s position, figured maybe it just needed a break for a day or two, and I walked away. I already had not used it much since October, when we moved into the new apartment. See, I love my new apartment, but I did sacrifice my office for it. Now I have a small set up in my bedroom, but it is not the same. I have had a lot of trouble sitting there and writing, and also some crazy nonsense happened with my pinky finger, so sometimes it is hard to type. I used the computer sporadically through October and November and a little of December before turning it off for a break, hoping the whirring sound that I heard was simply it overheating due to running too long and being too close to the vent. And then, I did not turn it on again until yesterday.

See, my mother up and died, and while that did not stop me from writing in general, it did hinder my work on my greater projects, all of which exists inside my computer. Everything I have put out since December, be it blog or Patreon essay or poem, has been written on my phone. In fact, much of it has been dictated, due to what I believe maybe the start of some arthritis in my hands. It’s not that I can’t type, but I can’t go as long as I used to or as fast, which gets very frustrating for me. It’s much like how reading is slower for me now given the wear and tear of my eyeballs.

Anyway, yesterday I fired up the computer and she ran beautifully and silently, albeit slow as molasses. She’s an old model, so it takes her a while to get started. I went on a hunt for an essay I wrote back in 2007 about my sister, and when I found it I posted it to my Patreon. It is a little piece that I always imagined I would use as a chapter in an autobiography, but of course I now think it is substandard writing. Also, it is a snapshot of a moment in time- a time when I was still adapting to having a sister, and not being an only child anymore. Now, I have adjusted to the situation, so I believe the story of her birth would look different if I wrote it today. But I digress…

Anyway, the computer was soundless, so I left it on. It’s on right now, even though I am sitting on my couch in my living room using my phone to pen this blog. I don’t know why I am not comfortable using it yet, but I do know that yesterday- I turned it on. So, baby steps.

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