Same Old Thing

I have been sick, on and off, for the past week. I’m a thousand percent sure that it is stress related, but the doctors at the hospital don’t seem to listen. They keep trying to find a reason for it, and I keep trying to tell them what the reason is, but emergency room doctors don’t tend to deal well with matters of the mind.
This week I have missed work, which always makes me feel like a failure. I know, because I have chronic illness, I should not feel this way. That is my logical, reasonable brain speaking, and I try to listen to that half of my mind at all times. Of course, crazy brain gets in there and tells me that it’s never going to get any better, and I have to talk myself off a ledge once again.
I sat down to write this blog, and realized I had nothing new to say. This past week has been a tire fire. I keep thinking about the tarot card reader-she told me that the fire would not stop until after the New Year. She told me that this time next year, I will look back at this and laugh. I am counting down the days.
Today, I have no desire for holiday stuff- which alarms me, because the days are slowly ticking by. I keep looking at the naked Christmas tree in the corner of my living room that is waiting for a new strand of lights to come in the mail. I picked up my box of ornaments the other day, and I swear I heard broken glass, so I am sure some form of disappointment lurks in there. I wish to decorate the tree, but at the same time I want to leave it bare.
What I do want to do is decorate my parent’s house. My sister and I plan to do it on Sunday, and then have some cake for Dad’s birthday. Perhaps that will put me in the holiday spirit a little more. Mostly, I just want to be well enough to enjoy the holiday. I know it’s going to be a lot different than past years, but I will keep looking for ways to celebrate. Hopefully I will be healthy and happy, and so will you.
Happy Thursday.


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