First, some housekeeping: There’s a really good chance I will be changing my posting schedule to Thursdays and Tuesdays. Mondays have become overwhelming, because I work both jobs and don’t have much time in between to get into the headspace for a blog post. I am off Tuesday mornings, however, so I think that might be a better time to get the words out. We shall see.
Anyhoo, you know who lives in my head rent-free? Pam Stenzel. If you are a Patreon subscriber, you probably read the monologue I wrote for a show that was sidelined due to Covid, about Pam Stenzel. If not, and you don’t know who she is, I guess I will tell you, although life was surely better for me before she was introduced into my atmosphere.
In our 8th grade sex ed class, we watched a video of an abstinence-only speaker named Pam Stenzel. It was funny, kind of, and she seemed to really relate to the youth, and since we were all good little Catholic school kids, we mostly just giggled and blushed and agreed with her stance. Her main takeaways were that love didn’t mean sex, and sex didn’t mean love, both concepts which I already understood, and were a decent lesson to teach. However, she also taught that any kind of sex would land you in hell, or at the very least, sully you in the eyes of God, as well as your future husband/wife.
Now, I read a lot, because I was a shy kid who would never have asked an adult any of my burning questions. And I was also blessed with a mother who was an HIV counselor. So, I knew a few extra things that my peers didn’t. I knew all about AIDS and STDs via Mom, and I knew everything about sex from afternoons in the library. And I also knew, through reasoning, logic, and common sense, that abstinence, while an option, was absolutely NOT the best one. I kept this to myself however, as I watched my classmates vibe with her message.
Fast forward a few years to me being a Junior in high school, when Pam Stenzel actually came to speak to us in person. We watched her videos, the teachers hyped her arrival, and the whole school assembled in the auditorium one Friday afternoon to hear her speak. We spent an hour or so being told our normal pubescent feelings were sinful, and that God would be ashamed of us if we didn’t choose abstinence. Also, that love was no excuse for sex. Now, I NEVER planned on waiting until marriage, as was the message they were pushing at me my entire life. I watched enough episodes of Friends by that point to know that people slept with other people and God never smote them down for it. Deciding to do what was right for me, specifically, as I often always do, I made the moral decision that I would not have sex until I found someone I truly cared about. I would not be pressured, I would not give in to temptations, but I would also not marry someone and then later discover we were not sexually compatible. That seemed so stupid to me, I still can’t wrap my head around it. It’s like folks who don’t live together before they get married…how do you know which way they will hang the toilet paper??
Anyway, here I am now, almost 40 years old with a fairly healthy view on sex that I absolutely did NOT develop through my church, schooling, or conversations with trusted adults. This was 100% all of my own doing, and I have never felt ashamed. That was the biggest issue with me growing up Catholic…the shame we were forced to feel surrounding sex and puberty. The logic simply didn’t hold for me; if God made us in his image, then why were we denying parts of ourselves?
I’m thinking of all this because I went to Planned Parenthood not long ago for a birth control check, and it reminds me of the times when I was a kid and wanted to go there to ask questions but couldn’t get up the nerve. I bet Pam Stenzel is the sort that would picket the clinic instead of using it, likely over abortion issues, or maybe just even over birth control, another thing she made us feel ashamed about…my 16 year old self who had just started the pill felt really special then. And still, when I say I have to go to PP, people think sinister things…mostly unaware they are the leading birth control provider in the game. Unaware that most women who go there go for cancer screenings and pap smears. Not even all of them do abortions, just fyi. I’m just out here spreading knowledge, is all. Don’t shoot the messenger.
The point of my blog is that sexual health is important and something we should be teaching kids about from the onset of puberty, not trying to suppress so that we raise up another generation of unhealthy, suppressed, shamed, and confused kids. For instance, all my kiddos know where to get a condom. I have four teenagers…I keep them in my house just like I keep tampons and Tylenol. I don’t want a sick kid, and I don’t want a grandkid, and they are aware and do not want these things either. I don’t know if anyone is active or not, but I do know that if they are, they have the tools they need. I have been promoting body positivity and sexual health for as long as they can remember…because no one did it for me.
And I blame Pam Stenzel.
2 thoughts on “Repression, 90s Style”
I just remember the look on so many faces that were stunned and scared leaving that assembly. Like really you’re telling me everyone that has done *anything* is unclean and should be ashamed and repent? She was on tv a few years ago and I was jus like oh no I know that voice. Matt couldn’t believe she came to talk to us.
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I don’t hate many people, but…