I had some topics ready to go today, but I don’t feel like it. Today it has been cloudy and gray, and my mood has reflected the weather.
I had therapy yesterday for the first time in a long time. I unloaded everything onto her, and she agreed with my self-diagnosis of Acute Stress Disorder, and then she remarked that most people in my situation of unyielding stress would have given up by now. She called me strong and resilient, echoing the sentiments I often receive from my mother, who calls me the strongest woman she knows. But…was there another option? My friend Carey gets this comment a lot, too, and always answers the same: what else am I supposed to do? Seriously. We would like to know.
Both of us do not agree with the concept of suicide, ergo neither of us consider that an option right off the bat. And then there is the other options…I could have a breakdown and spend a little time “on vacation.” Or I could simply choose not to get out of bed in the morning. And yes, sometimes, both seem like viable options. But they aren’t.
Because if you stay in bed, it can’t get better…there’s no opportunity for improvement. And if you check out, same thing…it’s just running away. If you truly want it to get better you have to stand up and fight, and put in the work to make it better. You have to be strong. You have to be resilient. There is no other option.
Because of the stigma of mental illness, many people think my diagnoses make me weak. On the contrary, nothing has made me stronger than having to battle my own stupid brain chemistry every single day.
So, I like to think, on days like today, that while I am tired (oh-so-very tired,) I am still strong. While I might not write the big blog post I intended, I can still write something…even if I don’t really want to. Because I have to push on, no matter what.
There are no other options.
Housekeeping: So I have paid for my domain names, so you can still find me at hamneggs17.com and brigidhannon.com! My plans still need funding, however, so feel free to drop me a tip in the jar to the right. (Also, if my pages get wonky any time in the next month, let me know. I’m not sure how many premium features I am using at the moment.) Also, and this is kind of unrelated, but I have a job interview tomorrow which would be super helpful right about now, so fingers crossed.
Oh, look! The sun came out!